


Hold the Weight of Worlds

by letspartyrightnow



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Transformation, Bedsharing, Camping, Cursed, M/M, Minor Character Death, PFF Bingo, Road Trips, Supernatural Elements, That’s Not Lube, Werewolves, graphic details of pain, mostly cute with a lot of dan worries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 05:34:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21010571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letspartyrightnow/pseuds/letspartyrightnow
Summary: The curse could only be unleashed by a life being taken. Dan still remembered the blood, the screams, the terror in his mother’s eyes. The rush of power and strength that consumed him after, right when the curse was coursing through his body, and how it was unimaginable, painful, yet liberating.That’s what scared him the most.





	Hold the Weight of Worlds

The curse could only be unleashed by a life being taken. Dan still remembered the blood, the screams, the terror in his mother’s eyes. The rush of power and strength that consumed him after, right when the curse was coursing through his body, and how it was unimaginable, painful, yet liberating. That’s what scared him the most. 

Trying to be a normal teenager after that was next to impossible. Teachers and classmates at school knew. The whispers were like hands around his neck. The venom that dripped from the word  _ murderer  _ stung and clung to his skin like a wet shirt. 

To the police he was a kid who got lucky, to his mum he was a killer, and to himself he was wrong, vile,  _ cursed _ . 

It was three weeks after what Dan called the incident that he felt that power again. He didn’t know what was going on, but he knew he had to get out, had to get away from everything and everyone. He grabbed his keys, shoved a backpack full of essentials, and left without saying a word. 

He drove for hours to a place that had no name, a clearing somewhere surrounded by endless miles of trees. When the road ended, he got out and walked and walked and walked until he couldn’t anymore. His breathing had turned ragged, his limbs ached, and he didn’t think it was because of the walk. 

He’d fallen to his knees, skin burning, bones cracking, and then he’d passed out.

—

“A road trip.” He said, voice soft and sleepy. It wasn’t a question, although Dan thought maybe it should've been. 

“Yeah. Just for like a week.” 

“Is this, like, that thing people do when they feel their relationship is progressing too fast, so they make up, frankly  _ ridiculous _ , situations to try and get rid of them?”

“Sadly, no. I’m disgustingly in love with you.”

“So we won’t be able to talk for a week?” He sounded sad, sighing loudly and somewhat petulantly. 

“I mean, it’ll be less than that, but yeah.”

“I’m coming with you.”

Fear ran up Dan’s body. He tried to act normal, thinking hard about what to say. 

“It’s kind of...something I need to do. Alone.”

“ _ Very _ persuasive. I’m coming with you. It’ll be good! We’ve never done something like that before, and it’ll be nice to see if we can be in such close proximity before we, ya know, move in together.” He got quiet at the end, like he was shy. How could Dan say no to that?

“It really won’t even be—“

“Dan! I’m coming. End of. Now hang up and go to sleep, or keep talking your pretty little head off while  _ I _ go to sleep.”

“I miss you.” is all Dan could say. Things would happen on the road trip that could tear them apart. He was terrified. 

“I’m right here.”

Dan wished he could see him. Those long legs, warm arms, cold fingers. His inky-black hair, cute mole, yellow-green-blue eyes. He could see him so perfectly in his mind, would have to commit him to memory for when he inevitably ran away from Dan in horror, just like everybody else. 

Dan shut his mind up, and then told Phil about the time he sprayed deodorant in his eye. 

—

Pain was feeling your own skin fall off of your body. It’s feeling each and every individual crack of your bones as your blood boiled and your muscles were pulled too taut. 

It was waking up not knowing where you were or, more importantly,  _ what _ you were. 

Physical pain was something Dan had gotten used to. Emotional, however, is something he continued to struggle with, like a loop going on and on in his head forever. 

He saw the images of the man he killed, his dad leaving, his mum keeping away from him at all costs, the people at school and their awful thoughts and cutting words that got locked inside his brain, trapped. 

He felt trapped. 

—

“So, you’re, like, totally sure this is something you want to do? Have you been checked for insanity?”

“Haha, very funny, Phil.”

“All I’m saying is that this is very unlike you. Also, I just bought the train tickets to you. Looks like we’re seriously going on a road trip.”

“Yay.” 

Dan had to bite back the fear once again. Was he really doing this?

—

Seeing a tall man with pretty, black hair and even prettier blue eyes was a sight for Dan’s sore eyes. He didn’t wait to step up to him and engulf him in a quick and tight hug. He felt Phil sigh into his neck and shivered at the soft, happy laugh that fell from his lips. 

“So road trip, huh?” he said. “When is this happening?”

Already feeling the itch under his skin, Dan sighed. “Now?”

Phil rolled his eyes, but followed Dan step by step to his car, smiling all the way. 

—

Driving for miles, blasting music, and telling each other how much they missed the other was the first few hours of the trip. Now, they sat silently, Dan driving and Phil sitting with his head back and hand out the window to try and avoid the inevitable car sickness. 

“Maybe if I just,” he paused, “take my stomach out and throw it out the window, I wouldn’t feel like this.”

“What a weird and awful things to say, you crazy, silly man.” Dan replied, smile wider than it had been for a long time. 

It was hard to relax his shoulders, but having Phil there was helping. Usually this trip was full of sad cries and wishes of a better life. 

But now, with the sun setting behind them, Phil’s little smirk at saying something weird and making Dan laugh, and a long journey ahead of them, he felt good. Scared, but good. 

He had a few days still, and was debating on what he’d tell Phil, but for now, he drove on and awaited their first stop.

(It came sooner rather than later. Phil had to pee. Dan tried to make him go outside and the look Phil gave him shut him right up.)

—

“Room with a queen please.” 

“One moment, sir.”

It was hours later, and they’d made it to the first motel. Phil had successfully kept all contents of his stomach intact, and was currently stretching his legs outside. 

Dan wondered how he’d gotten so lucky. To meet Phil, to make the choices Dan did that lead him to such a strange man, was better than anything Dan ever had. Here they were, a long way from anyone who knew them, who could judge them, about to fall into each other's arms and sleep. 

Dan had gone up to Phil’s place a while ago, their first real meeting. They hadn’t done much of anything other then kiss. A lot. And it was good, it was  _ so _ good, and they’d fallen too hard, too fast, but it was okay because they did it together. 

The receptionist came back with a key, had Dan put down his information, and pay for how long they’d be there. 

He stepped back outside to Phil. He looked good standing there, breath coming out in a fog. He hadn’t realized how cold it was, but Phil didn’t seem bothered. He was looking up, long neck on such beautiful display. 

“The stars.” he began. “They’re nicer here.”

Dan couldn’t take his eyes off of him. 

“Maybe this road trip idea wasn’t so bad.” He glanced to Dan, the stars, then back at Dan. “The stars are up there, dummy.”

Dan took his hand and lead him to the room. He was tired, eyes sore from staring at a long, boring road. They undressed, and wrapped each other up in their arms, falling into a deep, refreshing sleep. 

—

Dan awakened to the smell of instant coffee. He would’ve been disappointed if it hadn’t reminded him of his favorite person. Although, he was disappointed by the lack of that person wrapped around him. 

“Phil?” He called out to him sleepily. 

“Over here.” Phil was wrapped in a thin blanket, staring outside, a mug of the assumed instant coffee in his hands. He was sitting in a leather chair, looking as cute and as sleepy as ever. “G’morning, Bear, did you sleep well?”

Dan smiled and stretched. “The best sleep I’ve had in a long, long time.” Phil smiled fondly at him. “Come here.” Dan pouted and flashed his dimple, and Phil came like a moth to a flame. 

They cuddled up, and shared morning-breath-coffee kisses. 

God, Dan hoped this would last forever. 

—

Phil decided to drive next, and Dan feared for his life. (Not really, but, like, he totally did.)

“How many times did you say you failed your drivers test again?”

“It doesn’t matter. I’m doing well fine, Dan. And if honestly helps with the motion sickness, too.” 

“Why on earth would you decide to go on a road trip for a week if you get car sick?”

“Well, Daniel, if you must know. I was following this super, really fit guy I fancy. Really think this one’s it for me. Think he might put out soon.”

“I cannot believe you’re an actual human being, and allowed to say such things.” Dan’s cheeks hurt with how hard he was smiling. 

“You like it.”

“Somehow, someway, I do. Very much.”

—

He was pretending to be asleep. Phil turned out to be an alright driver, and Dan trusted him with his life anyway. He felt like he should be sleeping, but couldn’t no matter how hard he tried. 

At that point, so soon to when everything would happen, he could feel the itch under his skin. Tomorrow, they’d arrive at the campsite. Or what Dan told Phil was a campsite. In reality, it was just another unmarked clearing, somewhere no one else would go. Good thing Phil didn’t ask too many questions. 

He had a lot of hopes and fears that he was still trying to sort out. Would he tell Phil before? During? Would he run away, come back naked and hungry a day later and beg for forgiveness?

Dan was scared he was about to lose it. Maybe bringing Phil was a bad idea after all. He shouldn’t have let Phil talk him into letting him come along. Dan regretted even bringing it up. He wished he could go back and shove the words “I’m going on a road trip” back down his throat. 

“You think too loud, Bear.”

There it was again. That name. Phil had been calling him that a lot recently, and Dan didn’t know why. 

“Sorry.”

“You wanna talk?” He glanced over at Dan, and then stared ahead at the road. 

_ Desperately _ , Dan thought. 

“Could I drive the rest of the way?” Dan said instead. 

“Of course, the next rest stop is coming up in a few.”

Dan loved him dearly. He hoped and prayed to whoever was out there that this would go well, that they’d make it out of this okay. 

—

Getting there felt like waves of relief was washed off his skin. It was beautiful there. A river that went on and on, a nice clearing they hiked up to, it had everything. 

Phil was amazed at the energy Dan had getting up there. If only Phil knew how much energy he really did have. 

They had set up base not too far from the river. Dan hated camping, so he had brought a big tent and a blow up mattress that took up most of the room in it. It was a bitch getting those up there, but they did it. Eventually. 

Two city lads like them could never really live off the land, so Dan also brought fire starters and had lots and lots of very unhealthy snacks. And popcorn. Phil made Dan promise he’d bring loads of popcorn. 

Setting up and being there helped to get his mind off of things, but yet in the back of Dan’s mind, his thoughts were stirring. Dan had two full days and one full night to tell Phil. The next night, he’d be changing. 

Where would he even start? He hated the beginning of the story. Dan had hoped with his whole being that Phil would never know that part of him, and he’d never imagined that he’d be the one telling Phil. 

—

There was something about your whole body getting ready to undergo a very big and very traumatic change that made Dan feel something deep inside. It was like an itch he couldn’t scratch, something in his bones that wanted out, that wanted satiated. Energy was bursting at Dan’s seams, and he didn’t know what to do with it. 

Well, he craved to feel Phil envelope him. In every way possible. 

It was mid-day, and they’d set up camp, had made some popcorn and ate it. Now, they were running toward the river, teasing and pushing and grabbing, and Dan’s skin burned in the best way wherever Phil touched him. 

He wanted to tackle him in the sand, hold him down, and stay glued to him all night. 

What a crazy man, coming to the middle of nowhere with a person he only met once. Dan wanted to wrap him up and keep him forever. 

He grabbed Phil’s hand, stopped him from running, and pulled him back. They’d taken their shirts off and had abandoned their shoes long ago. 

He wrapped his hand around Phil’s neck, and pulled him into a kiss. Phil had been surprised by the sudden mood change, but liked it nonetheless, going along with him, and curled his arms around his waist. 

“I want you.” Dan said into the kiss, barely stopping to reattach their wet lips right away. Phil kissed into his mouth harder, pulling him closer. 

“God, you have no idea,” Phil was out of breath when he pulled away, leaning his head against Dan’s, eyes fixated on his glossy lips, “No idea how badly  _ I _ want  _ you _ .”

Dan had to hold back his shout of  _ take me then _ and slowly walked Phil back to the tent. 

The moonlight lit their open tent, and Dan’s eyes never strayed from Phil as he continued to undress before making Dan lay, and started to dig his fingers into the waist of his sweatpants. 

Dan stopped him quickly, looked Phil in the eyes, and then flipped over, resting on his elbows, looking back at Phil over his shoulder as he arched his ass up all in one movement. 

Phil bit his lip before straddling Dan’s upper thigh. 

He kissed from Dan’s neck to his shoulder, fingers skimming their way down. 

“You’re too pretty, Dan.” he whispered. Dan moaned in return, focusing on the hand groping his ass and the man humping down and into the plush of his cheek. Dan throbbed in his pants, could feel the flush running down his chest. 

Phil pulled Dan’s pants down, slowly revealing more and more naked skin. Phil wanted to lick every inch of him. He brought them down to Dan’s feet and tugged them off. He sat back and watched the squirming Dan in front of him, and thanked whatever god put Phil in this spot and gave him eyes to witness such beauty. 

Dan felt him run his fingers between his cheeks, thumb stopping to rub over his hole, and Dan choked on a moan and bit into his arm. He wanted Phil so badly, didn’t want to wait, and could feel his skin burning up. 

“Please God, tell me you thought to bring lube?” Dan sighed out. 

“I’ll be real, this was honestly the last thing I expected to happen on this road trip. But no worries.”

Dan felt Phil lift his ass, and grip his cheeks so he was exposed. Next thing Dan new, Phil was dropping spit right into his hole and using it to press a finger inside. 

That decidedly wasn’t lube, but Dan twitched  _ hard _ and shuddered at the feeling of it dripping down his balls. 

Phil added two fingers and Dan lifted up to his knees and pushed his ass out. Phil was touching him slow and deep, his other hand digging into Dan’s hip. 

Every touch felt different to Dan than it had before. He’d never slept with Phil but he’d slept with others. Maybe it was what’s looming over his head that made him feel like that, or maybe it was Phil. Phil who came on this crazy road trip; Phil who had kept Dan sane and put together; Phil who loved him. 

Dan didn’t want this thing to run his life anymore. He wanted to be here and have sex with Phil and feel like he was just another normal man traveling with his boyfriend. 

Phil added a third and Dan pulsed, waited a few seconds, then told Phil he was ready, could take him whenever. 

Phil situated himself behind Dan’s ass, ran his hands up and over the smooth skin, and then took himself in hand to line up push into Dan, in a nice, shallow thrust. He went in more next time, grunting and gripping, and Dan felt himself lose his breath, until finally he went all in and pressed his thighs to the back of Dan’s. 

The next time Phil pulled out he spit again, and then entered Dan. He was slick and hot, and so goddamn hard, Dan didn’t know how to even think. 

Dan couldn’t take it anymore, he groaned and then said, “I wanna be on top,” while Phil started going faster. He stopped and pulled out, laying down while Dan got up. They kissed when Dan straddled him, lips locking for a long few minutes. 

Then Dan pulled away and sat on his lap. He stared into Phil’s eyes and ran his hands down his chest, a smile on his face, breath ragged. 

“Thank you for coming.” Dan said sincerely. He kissed Phil roughly on the mouth and then took his cock to sink down on. He whined as he sat flush to Phil’s lap. “With me, I mean. Thank you for coming with me.”

Phil laughed and clenched his jaw. His hands were firmly at Dan’s waist, holding him down as he tried to press in closer, sink farther, into Dan. “Yeah, Bear, I got that. Fuck, you feel so good.”

Dan pulled up and dropped back down. He took Phil’s hands off his waist and held them down on the bed by the wrist. 

Phil throbbed within him, and Dan leaked hard. From there, they were set off. Dan holding Phil down, and bouncing on his cock. Sometimes he’d go so hard, it felt like his orgasm was going to crash through him, other times, he’d slow down, keep Phil buried in him, and wiggle in his lap. The reactions he’d get from Phil was something he’d never forget. It was good, it was hot, and it was  _ them _ . 

Dan came with a kiss on Phil’s lips, and Phil came deep in Dan, hands being squeezed to the ground as Dan finished him off with hard, quick fucking. 

—

They were held close together, warmth coming off of the maybe-too-close fire, and the heat radiating from Dan. 

He stared up at Phil and thought, _this is it, this is when I tell him_, but his mouth blurted, “You keep calling me bear,” and he felt like maybe that was okay. 

Phil laughed and wrapped his legs tighter around Dan’s. “You told me in a sleepy Skype call it was your nickname and that it made you feel safe.” He smooched Dan wetly on the cheek. “And most of the time it slips out because you’re cute and Bear is the cutest nickname I’ve ever heard.”

He looked at Phil longer, words sitting on his tongue that needed to be said, and eyes fixed on the shear love in Phil’s. He decided no, this moment was his, and couldn’t be ruined. Although, he thought that about all of his moments with Phil. 

Tomorrow would be his last chance. 

—

“Can I ask you something?”

“Always.”

“Why did you come on this trip with me?”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“It felt like. . .like if I didn’t, I’d lose you.”

—

They washed up in the lake the next morning. Dan felt a sense of calm settle over him from the moment he opened his eyes. It would happen soon, and the moment he had been dreading would pass. 

He’d just have to experience it first. 

They ate popcorn and watched a film on Phil’s old laptop. They cuddled in bed, and laughed, and made out, and Dan was happier than he’d ever been in his entire life. 

He’d been thinking, in the back of his mind, just how he was supposed to do this, how he was supposed to take away such surreal happiness. 

But he loved Phil and Phil loved him, and god dammit, Dan needed to trust that they’d be okay or he wouldn’t be able to do this. 

—

Sunset was approaching, and Dan was reminded once again how utterly insane his life was. 

Phil was sitting by the fire, waiting for his popcorn to pop before he came and settled in with Dan for the night. 

That sense of calm this morning was quickly sliding off his skin like waves of anxiety. Phil entered the tent, happily eating his snack. Dan was sat up and wringing his hands nervously. Phil took one look at him, and his face changed to something he didn’t know it could. 

“I need to tell you something.”

“Okay.” Phil said slowly. He set his food down, and he put himself in front of Dan. 

Dan sucked in a breath, and in the next the words flew out. 

He explained that when he was a teenager, his mum took him to get groceries, using it as an excuse to get him out of the house. When they were there, a man came in and threatened to shoot if they didn’t give him money. Dan had felt nothing but rage when he pointed his weapon at his mum, had jumped toward the guy and smashed his head into the ground in his attempt to knock him down and hold him there. 

His mum had been thankful, but cried uncontrollably, and flinched anytime Dan went near her. The man was pronounced dead from blunt force trauma to the head and bleeding out. The trials all slipped past Dan’s head: he was a minor, it was an accident, he had no other charges. It was set up to rule in his favor. 

He then looked Phil in the eyes, tried to keep his heavy breathing quiet, tried to keep his wet eyes dry. 

He went on. He talked about the power he felt, the changes in his strength, in his body. He explained the feeling he felt that told him to get away, to hide himself from others, protect them. 

“I don’t just go on road trips just because. Something happens to me. I change, I become something different.”

Phil stared on, blinked, and furrowed his brows. He was confused, Dan could tell. Did he have to spell it out? He prayed he didn’t have to say the words out loud, knew it would kill him. 

“What are you saying?” Phil finally said slowly. 

“I’m a werewolf. I triggered the curse when I took a life. I’m going to turn tonight. I love you, and I don’t ever want to be without you.” Dan said strongly, but he felt weak and tired, and he knew he should’ve taken a nap before all of this. He was going to be more than exhausted later. 

Phil’s eyes were wide, and Dan stared into those yellow-green-blues. He was silently begging for Phil to say something, do  _ anything _ . Phil lifted his hand and cupped Dan’s cheek. 

“Prove it.”

Dan blinked, pulling away from Phil’s hand.

“What?” 

“I  _ said _ , prove it. Show me.”

Dan was confused. “Do you believe me or not? What are you thinking?”

“Asking anyone to believe you is absolutely insane. But I’m Phil and this is exactly my forte. Now, can I see, or will you rip me to shreds?”

—

Dan was standing outside, a little away from their tent. In just just boxers. Phil was smirking from where he stood by the fire, eyes trained on Dan. 

It was a full moon, and it lit up their little clearing. Just a little longer; Dan could feel it. 

He thought back to their conversation. 

“You have to promise me you’ll stay. Here.”

“I promise.”

“Phil? This is serious. I’m gonna scream. It’s not gonna be pretty.”

Phil took his head in his hands and kissed him softly on the lips. Dan remained stoic and Phil sighed. 

“I  _ promise _ . I do. Just please. . .be careful.” 

“Always am.”

He was ready. Dan was ready to show Phil, to live his life knowing he had someone to share this with. It already felt like he wasn’t holding the world on his shoulders anymore. 

Then, it started. 

“Remember, Phil,” he groaned and doubled over, skin starting to crawl, “I’m okay, just please stay there.” He shouted desperately. 

He heaved and felt the first bones cracking. Although terribly awful, his body had gotten somewhat used to the pain, only so far as he didn’t pass out anymore. Dan thought he’d take losing time over feeling the extent of this pain. 

Then he remembered Phil over there, surely staring on with worry. He could do this, he could get through this. He started panting, trying to catch his breath, and then growled as he felt the last remnants of his human form leave him. 

Dan stood on four shaky legs. Phil dropped the blanket that was wrapped around him. 

—

“Okay.” Phil repeated for the sixteenth time. 

They were slowly inching toward each other, and Phil was obviously freaking out. 

“This is fine.” 

They got closer and closer, each trying to get the bravery to step up face to face. 

Dan thought he should sit, so he dropped down, and waited for Phil to come to him. 

Phil smiled softly. “You’re still cute, ya know? Y’did that little,” he gestured to his head, “little head-tilt thing. Really works for you.” He stepped up then, hand reaching out. Dan nuzzled right into his hand, feeling Phil’s cold fingers on his nose, in his fur. Phil laughed almost hysterically. “I can’t believe you. You’re incredible.”

Dan laid on his front paws and dropped his ears. Phil was too much, too good, too amazing. 

—

Discovering the human-wolf dynamic was weird, and Phil often had to stop and catch his breath. They were both astonished by each other. Dan wished he could tell so many things to Phil, but saved every thought for later. 

—

Phil surprisingly stayed up until the time came for Dan to change back. 

The reverse of the change was no less painful, maybe even more so, because it lingered for days after. He was sweaty and thirsty, and Phil helped him to the river to cool off and drink the water. 

He was helped into a pair of boxers and walked to the tent with Phil. He remembered looking directly at Phil and saying  _ I love you  _ before he hit the pillow and went right to sleep. 

—

When he woke up, Phil was staring down at him with soft eyes. Dan groaned and blushed, turning his head into the pillow so he wouldn’t have to look at Phil. 

He just laughed, wrapped his arms around Dan, and whispered that he loved him, that he was insane, and he couldn’t wait to be together forever. That cheesy  _ bastard _ . 

Dan took a breath, and when he exhaled, all of that worry left him in one swoop. 

—

Phil drove back to the train station, while Dan rested as much as he could. 

What would Dan have done if Phil hadn’t pushed himself to go on this trip? 

Dan decided then and there that he’d never think so hard about anything ever again. There were so many what if’s and bad things that could happen no matter what. It only mattered whether you did the thing or not. 

He was just glad that he did, that he got his Phil, and that this thing they had was special and wasn’t going away if Dan had anything to do with it. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr at letspartyrightnowplease and find my fics under the tag ‘lemwrites’! hope you enjoyeddd!!!


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